divorce

[Bumblebee]

Hey there!

Sorry for not posting a lot lately. I have been reading but didn't quite take the time to answer.

Well, I learned two days ago I need to be in France for my divorce on March 17th. This news made me quite mad. I've been waiting for over a year and a half for this date and I found out only because I emailed my lawyer. When I got her on the phone the following day, she replied : "well, you never told me you needed a certain delay to be able to come to France from Canada, how was I suppose to know?". That's when I understood  I was talking to a reincarnated turkey. No point to argue with a no brainer. Either that or she has really poor knowledge of geography. I think the turkey hypothesis is much more plausible and fun.

So I decided I would go anyway, so it is finally all done and over with. It's been a emotional roller coaster ride since yesterday. Part of me is excited it is finally at my door step; another is scared to go back and see my ex and find he is absolutely gorgeous and feel that I am making a mistake; yet I also feel sad it has come to this; I am also scared of going back where I lived in the Alps and find that the best part of my life is behind me; scared also that my friends will not find the time to see me and that I will be alone for a week; yet I am also excited to have the opportunity to see all these dear friends on short notice; excited to be on holiday for a week in France where it is much much warmer. Yoyo emotions. Joy, fear and sadness overlapping.

I know these are just thoughts. I try to live them without buying completely into them.  Another part of me knows that this rupture was indeed necessary for me to open my eyes to a whole new way of seeing things. My "ideal" life in the Alps is just an idea. If I look at facts, I was never nearly as happy as I wanted to be. Paradise is not a special place on earth, nor can it be found in a relationship. It is in us at all times, like a diamond in the rough. It is up to us to polish it in order for the light to shine through.

[Deb]

OMG Bumblebee, that woman's an idiot AND a turkey. I hope she's better in a courtroom than in the "real" world. You probably got hit pretty hard with late-notice airfare too. Ugh.

You're on an emotional roller coaster for sure and it will be draining, I wish I could do something to help. I hope it all goes well for you. Please remember to take extra good care of yourself right now, little splurges, resting when you need it. Hah, do I sound like a mother?

Paradise is not a special place on earth, nor can it be found in a relationship. It is in us at all times, like a diamond in the rough. It is up to us to polish it in order for the light to shine through.

That is absolutely beautiful. You need to get Stella to make you a calligraphy of it. It is something that everyone needs to understand & should remind themselves of every day. You are amazing. If we don't hear from you before your trip, best of luck, we are all backing you up with love.

[Deb]

Bumblebee, how are you doing? How did your trip go?

[Bumblebee]

Hi Deb,

I'm fine. It went as well as it could go. Actually it was nice to see all my friends. It was refreshing. I was afraid of discovering I still had feelings for my ex; did not, much to my relief. I miss our complicity, but not "him" specifically. I was also afraid to figure out that I should of stayed in the Alps, it was afterall what I considered to be paradise; again, was relieved to find out that I still feel it is a gorgeous place, but it is not home anymore. Overall a very positive trip, permitting me to put closure to a part of my life.

It was hard to come back here. Even though I know that I am where I need to be, I still feel quite lonely. I had to let go of a long term friend just as I got back: he was pulling me down, manipulating circumstances leaving me drained and unsure of myself ( long story). It became so obvious when I was on the trip. Even though my life is better without him, I still catch myself wondering if I really really tried everything before doing such a drastic cut. The answer is yes every time. This loss also contributes to a feeling of being alone here.

But I know this is only temporary. As a friend told me last night, one thing you can be sure about life is that it is constantly changing.

[Deb]

Welcome back!

It sounds like your learned a lot from your trip and a lot about yourself. Plus resolved some old issues in the process. You're making room for new energy and experiences to come into your life! They will come when you are ready.

As a friend told me last night, one thing you can be sure about life is that it is constantly changing.

Isn't that the truth. A wise friend!