Finding aloneness and time for youself in modern world

[Marianna]

 Vladimir touched on solitude and aloneness in his health post https://speakingofseth.com/index.php?topic=939.msg8548#msg8548 but I decided to start a new one, since it is a different subject.

I do not have Vladimir's experience of living alone in the forest, yet, for several years I have been shaping my life, schedules, and relationships so as to create long periods of solitude uninterrupted by calls, mail, meetings, visits. I noticed that so much of the needed work (creative, 'talking to yourself', getting ideas from inside/from Universe, etc.) happens when I am alone and no interruption is in sight.

Most difficult for me by far - is saying 'no' to my loved ones, 'training' them to be respectful of my wishes - not to be distracted.

Yet, I've been most successful in things that involve me alone. I've cut newsletters and personal emails to a very low number. I've 'moved' all my close friends to mail from social media. This way I avoid this black hole of distraction. I don't watch tv or read newspapers (and yet I know what's going on and who's the president, imagine that?) . As for movies, I stream them from Netflix or amazon when it's convenient for me. 

You know yourself, though it's not obvious, that if you have many hobbies, Seth, creative work, etc. you'd love to do - something has to go. There should be adjustments. For some reason it is scary and difficult (though I encourage myself greatly) to say "no". To say "it used to work, but not anymore, I need 'me' time', and I do love you".

You do it gradually with relationships you want to keep. It is just a matter of getting used to a new setup. And surprisingly it is working. I am determined to keep changing the setup. It is an exciting challenge, after all. And you get frustrated only seldom, and momentarily, and it's also fine.

You can do a lot in any situation, and still remain true to yourself. Just keep the picture of life you are creating in mind.

[Sena]

Marianna, I see the need to achieve a balance between being alone and having social contact. If there is someone with whom I can discuss Seth and similar topics (very few people), then I like to spend time with that person.

[Marianna]

Right, Sena, I agree. And since so far all my Seth correspondents live in other states and countries, I end up writing to them. But it's fine with me. I can always 'materialize' for myself a Sethie friend to talk to . 

[Deb]

Being able to find some solitude has always been very important for me. I have not been very good at it lately, my living situation has changed in the past couple of years so I rarely have alone time, even at home. I have to make an even more conscious effort. Taking long walks in nature is the way I do it. I live in a place where there are plenty of places to walk if the weather allows. I used to think, "well if it's over 40° it's a good day to walk," now I'm to the point of "well if it's over 25° and not windy, it's a good day to walk." Snow and ice are no longer deterrents.

For some reason it is scary and difficult (though I encourage myself greatly) to say "no".

I hear ya.

Some people can find solitude and inner peace in a crowd. I'm not at that point yet and need my space. There are some people that cannot understand that, they feel slighted, left out and take it as personal rejection. Yet, I'm getting better at honoring my own needs.

I'm overly cautious about anyone's feelings, so I'm still working on the saying no thing. But I'm getting better at it. I figure people who understand me will adapt, others who don't will not. It's a natural weeding out.

[Marianna]

Some people can find solitude and inner peace in a crowd.

There is 'crowd' and crowd. For some reason, when I go to NYC, that crowd does not bother me, since they cannot distract me. While at home, I can be addressed pretty much anytime.

I do love to travel. And while I do not have the opportunity to travel alone so far, I use close places (parks, NYC) and ... inside! I thought it over and over, asking for help, looking for options... Like you all, I am doing my best.
I tell myself, I'll be able to explain - when I need to move to the next stage.

So far it looks like in my family serious conversations do not do the trick Serious conversations are scary. So, I am like a cat, who sneaks a piece here, a piece there, making no big deal of it.

Another trick is - making up for making myself 'inaccessible' for a period of time.

[Batfan007]

Vladimir touched on solitude and aloneness in his health post https://speakingofseth.com/index.php?topic=939.msg8548#msg8548 but I decided to start a new one, since it is a different subject.

I do not have Vladimir's experience of living alone in the forest, yet, for several years I have been shaping my life, schedules, and relationships so as to create long periods of solitude uninterrupted by calls, mail, meetings, visits. I noticed that so much of the needed work (creative, 'talking to yourself', getting ideas from inside/from Universe, etc.) happens when I am alone and no interruption is in sight.

Most difficult for me by far - is saying 'no' to my loved ones, 'training' them to be respectful of my wishes - not to be distracted.

Yet, I've been most successful in things that involve me alone. I've cut newsletters and personal emails to a very low number. I've 'moved' all my close friends to mail from social media. This way I avoid this black hole of distraction. I don't watch tv or read newspapers (and yet I know what's going on and who's the president, imagine that?) . As for movies, I stream them from Netflix or amazon when it's convenient for me. 

You know yourself, though it's not obvious, that if you have many hobbies, Seth, creative work, etc. you'd love to do - something has to go. There should be adjustments. For some reason it is scary and difficult (though I encourage myself greatly) to say "no". To say "it used to work, but not anymore, I need 'me' time', and I do love you".

You do it gradually with relationships you want to keep. It is just a matter of getting used to a new setup. And surprisingly it is working. I am determined to keep changing the setup. It is an exciting challenge, after all. And you get frustrated only seldom, and momentarily, and it's also fine.

You can do a lot in any situation, and still remain true to yourself. Just keep the picture of life you are creating in mind.

For me it's an ongoing thing about cutting out the clutter in life. Time alone is need for me, like always, so every day or at least ever second day I got an hour or so walk where it's just me. I am fortunate to get time alone after I finish work and before my partner comes home to some writing, watch some tv, meditate, whatever and unwind. If I don't unwind and let my nervous system settle down, then I can't focus so well. If I'm really up, I'll go to the gym and get in a work out, then when I'm down I can write better, of jot down ideas for stuff as I watch TV skim re-read bits of books for ideas or whatever else I am doing.

I tend to do as little as possible in life, with the least amount of effort, with the maximum results, so it's kind of a habit for like a decade or so now that I know what I need to just flow in my daily life, some days it's easier, some day's it's harder, but wherever I'm at, whatever state I'm in, it's always clear what I need to change that state if desired, or if not, if I need to even in a very unpleasant state for a time, I can just bear it, or "witness" it rather than struggle to be somewhere other than here or now etc.

At this point in my life I really want to some training that could lead to a new type of work, other than than I want daily exercise, and to get in as creative a state as possible for writing, editing etc, and just allowing that flow, without the blocks or my body being too sore to site in a chair, or pointless arguments that send my stress level up and turn on the old lizard brain etc.