Parenting the .... parents

[myststars]

Hi all

I have to share a perspective to you.I have a 33 year old and some medical challenges kept me around my parents for much longer.Because of the combination of working on my inner self and medical stuff and still around my parents i want to share some observations...Later on staying in my house i realized that even if i can move out i will still carry an unfinished emotional stuff with my family..Reading so much self-help material i realized later that not only i had to get in balance with my health but it really is imperative to leave home in a peaceful manner and with things sorted out emotionally between me and family so i can be really free when i leave...Doing this i realized also something else..I am used to self diagnosin myself.Is like a program that runs in background and oversea my reactions.When i get angry i usually realize that there something in me there that need to be dealt with...But when i go in visits to relatives things got intersting over the years...I realized that my trajectory to clean up the ilusion in me made me see through families struggles much clearer than they can see themselves...Also in my parents...Some mothers complain about their children for some known reasons like video games, like my child is too obssesed about cars and motoring.They are incapable to see beyond.Almost none of them i see are dealing with their own emotions.They are stuck in soap opera and the kid becaomes emotionaly dysfunctional..I see that progressing like a movie with seasons...Season one was when he was born, season two year 2-3 years old and so on...And not only that parents have an emotional agenda and a reason why they made a kid...Some families said they felt incomplete...One had normal birth at later age and other family had a child from an abandoned children house...My parents had an agenda too especially my mother like checking boxes in the reputation and social position...After many years i feel that all this stuff is all about her.All she is doing is with strings atached..Looking at all this families from my own position that is kinda unique i slowly got involve in parenting the parents...They can't see in what deep stuff they are into...They put a box around themselves and they are stuck...I was debating inside myself to make or not make a kid...You may say that a psychologyst may act as an external asset for solving from outside the families deep stuff that they got into.It may or may not...I feel now that i am parenting the parents...Inside the families the foundation of relationships seems like in politics...Wife and husband are like two political parties and compromise with one or another NOT getting over when things are compromised and forced and this over time escalates...One feel educates better than the other and there is a competition...
The paradoxal is that in some way they don't want outsiders to get in the way of the plays inside the family but on the other hand they want to reach to somebody else because they can't handle it or they have to explain around how nice their education is even they are dysfunctional...It's really funny...I feel the families just need someone outside to "clean" after them...The child will do some dysfunctional stuff in society like bulying, it's introverted or end up with some other kind of emotional stuff..By cleaning after the parents i mean the kid feels it needs repairs...Someone has to reapir the "child play" that was done by the parents behaving like imature children educating a child....

[Sena]

myststars, thanks for sharing. May I ask about your parents' religious views? My parents are now dead, but when they were alive their strong religious beliefs were involved in the apparatus of control. But I can see that atheism can also be used in this way.

[myststars]

My mother is Christian religion.Her mother was old school deeply religious.My father religion is the "tangible"...

[Sena]

My mother is Christian religion.Her mother was old school deeply religious.My father religion is the "tangible"...

It seems to me that the Christian religion deliberately keeps people immature and dependent.

[myststars]

In pyramidal structure the structure feeds with energy...More disciples more energy...My mother is one of many in a service to self structure...If you are whole and integrated you give no energy and this structure is not fed and perpetuated.I don't think this happens only in Chrstian religion.The Vatican is functioning in the same way really.Look at how many people come durring easter or other days at the vatican square..That's huge energy feeding towards the structure Vatican/Catholic.
I can say some stars that concerts with tens of thousands get "drunk" by this energy feed from the masses.Many rock stars got very f***** up durring their life and they have plenty of money...They feed from atention...

[Deb]

I realized that my trajectory to clean up the ilusion in me made me see through families struggles much clearer than they can see themselves...Also in my parents...

I feel much of the drama and baggage we pick up from our parents/families is all of those pre-arranged contracts we make with soul partners before we incarnate into this existence. We all agreed, together with others, to play parts and work out dramas designed to develop ourselves here. While we can do the same later in life with friends, co-workers, even animals, family gives us an early induction, started at birth.

Another thought comes to mind to me though, that 'our' generation seems to have started noticing the disfunction in ourselves, our families and others (I hesitate to say disfunction because disfunction appears to be the norm—like, what's the gold standard for functional?). My parents, my grandparents would never have questioned their own behavior, looked inside to see what they were doing and why, would never have considered reading a self help book (which probably didn't exist back then anyway). Both parents died when I was in my 20s (I left home at 18 or so), I was an only child and all other relatives are also dead, so all I have is my own hindsight into how they behaved and why. But because they died so long ago, I've had enough time to be able to more objectively assess the drama with little emotion, unlike at the time I was in the middle of all of it. It also gives me the opportunity to examine my own thoughts, reactions, behavior to see if I'm just acting out old dramas that may not even be mine.

I guess in your situation you are in a role reversal, parenting your parents. The hard part for people wanting to grow (emotionally/spiritually) is getting over the fear of honestly looking inside. I think people are afraid of what they will find there and prefer to bury their heads in the sand. Rather than to see and accept themselves, and sort out where our families injected their own beliefs and fears in us—how much of 'us' is really us and how much is just rehashing what we absorbed, unquestioningly, from someone else in our formative years.

There are times when I feel like I'm almost recreating situations in my life that are just repeats of what my parents were struggling with, almost like they never resolved those challenges in their lifetime and so the torch has been passed to me.

[myststars]

You are in the oposite ... ha
"What a coicidence" ...
Really i wished to get you face to face and we had a free challenging deep conversation.. The forum is slow and not face to face...Disrupting each others patterns of thinking face to face would have bring an nice emotional healing ...Reflecting to each other oposite thinking ...
Another thing would be because i am a guy and you had also had relationship challenges with your man may actually is another layer that may trigger deep stuff...It would be a challenge for you but i am open to challenge your deep wounded woman thinking if you are ready... This is not for faint of heart really.It will be rollercoaster in emotions arena.

[Batfan007]

You are in the oposite ... ha
"What a coicidence" ...
Really i wished to get you face to face and we had a free challenging deep conversation.. The forum is slow and not face to face...Disrupting each others patterns of thinking face to face would have bring an nice emotional healing ...Reflecting to each other oposite thinking ...
Another thing would be because i am a guy and you had also had relationship challenges with your man may actually is another layer that may trigger deep stuff...It would be a challenge for you but i am open to challenge your deep wounded woman thinking if you are ready... This is not for faint of heart really.It will be rollercoaster in emotions arena.

Sometimes the pattern interrupt is useful, but just as often it's needlessly painful and accomplishes nothing.

If you have that kind of rapport with someone, I feel it's best to be gentle, now and then we all need a good Zen stick smack in the head or butt to shock us out of our own bullshit, but more often we just get really annoyed at that sort of thing and go into survival mode.

Reveling, or focusing on flaws and misery does nothing to change it in ourselves or others.
However I sometimes go see a Psychologist, and find the talking deeply therapeutic. The art of listening is seldom practiced.
But once I've talked about whatever, I drop it and move on, eyes forward, The A-TEAM is go!

[myststars]

I want we as humanity have more deep and sincere conversations between each other..Corporate, job and society invented all sorts of ilusion of bahviour that are on the surface...The US marketing mentality Trump's everything i ever see in speaking artificially ...
When i look at Microsoft or Apple presentation and those on stage...
"We are happy that you are here to the public!" ... well are they really because i am not feeling any love from that marketing guy when look at their presentation...
In families a deep sincere conversation is the new humanity ...
So at least we here steer the ship in that direction ...

[myststars]

quote:

"
How you move in a direction of employing healing in relation to shifting, expanding, being present and not moving in the direction of fear and consequences or opposition, is first you identify what it is that YOU are afraid of. What are YOUR consequences? What are YOUR fears and anticipations? That is the first aspect. And acknowledge them - not push away, not dwell on, but not ignore and not attempt to change, but merely acknowledge that. Accept what is for what it is. Not for what you want it to be, but for what it is. "

and

"And when you present to yourselves anything that seems to be a dysfunction of any type, this is automatically the direction that you move in: it needs to be healed, you need to be healed, they need to be healed, society needs to be healed, the planet needs to be healed, your loved ones need to be healed - everything needs to be healed. For there is likely something that you can discover that is wrong with almost everything and that requires some type of change to heal it and to restore it to health. "

session about healing from ELIAS

http://www.eliasweb.org/transcripts/t_session.php?session_nr=201608211


So after reading this some clicks came in that were not there...All this i knew but now is more a knowing than a bunch of memorized text so retract my "face to face" challenge with Deb ... Deb you are fine.Parents are fine.World is fine.Trump is fine.All is fine in all creation.I AM fine.

[Batfan007]

I want we as humanity have more deep and sincere conversations between each other..Corporate, job and society invented all sorts of ilusion of bahviour that are on the surface...The US marketing mentality Trump's everything i ever see in speaking artificially ...
When i look at Microsoft or Apple presentation and those on stage...
"We are happy that you are here to the public!" ... well are they really because i am not feeling any love from that marketing guy when look at their presentation...
In families a deep sincere conversation is the new humanity ...
So at least we here steer the ship in that direction ...

So do I.
But not everyone wants deep and meaningful conversations. At least not very often. Some people love that sort of thing, others are very uncomfortable and don't like that at all. Most of us are in the middle somewhere. I find the thing is to respect people's boundaries. People open up and talk to people when they feel safe, feel heard, when there no immediate theats (real or percevied to be real) and when they feel they are not going to be judged or lectured to.

So naturally I drive everyone I love crazy trying to talk at inappropriate times when they really don't want to talk. UGH!