Ideas needed..".anatomy of an illness

[Ginny]

I need feedback on the belief behind my condition. (Parkinson's)
Since February of this year I have had five cancer surgeries including two skin grafts. The surgeries are healing with no additional treatments needed.  I see cancer as "something eating away inside "
And it fit me. Not concerned about cancer. I also have symptoms of Parkinson's. Tremor in left hand
Small steps small handwriting...it is a central nervous issue.....

My beliefs about illness follow this way...arthritis/unbending...cancer/repressed issues....and the body expresses the issue.. I need input on what I am (my body) saying with this condition ..rightly or wrongly that's how I see illness....this one has me stressed.

Any ideas would be appreciated!

[BethAnne]

Giny...Have you read anything about Louis Hay on her mind/body connections?

The first idea I got was for you to get a coloring book and use bright colors.  I know it sounds silly but give it a try.  You have to see your hands as being creative. 

Have you listened to any of the videos on the Music Meditation thread?

I've been playing around with bineural/ischronic beats.  I like this one because it sounds like a cat purring.

[Ginny]

Thanks for the suggestions BethAnne.  I will try both.  Meditation works wonders.....now I need to do it and get out of my own way.

[BethAnne]

Another trick that helps is to find a photo of you from your past when you were the most healthy.  Or bring up an old memory.  Then "merge" with that feeling and overlay your sense of Healthiness with where you are today.

Cut out magazine photos of a more ideal body image.  I made collages or ill use that poster gum and just spread across a wall. 
About 20 years ago I was putting them in black notebooks....and it is amazing how many images foretold things that came true.

[Ginny]

Interestingly, Yesterday, I was looking at some old pictures of me and printed one as a young school age girl with a sweet face and a bow in her hair. I cried.  I miss her!!!  She is on the fridge to remind me of that sweetness. These days I am feeling sad and unlovable.

I will look for a more recent happy picture and rekindle healthy feelings. As I write, it is clear how lost I feel at this juncture of my life.  Your suggestions touched me.

Thank you for your reply.  Ginny

[BethAnne]

After my divorce I was bewildered (1980 and single since).  I put about a dozen photos in order.  When I got to a certain spot I started getting anxiety.  I tacked them up and meditated and always got that same anxiety at that point where my life went astray.  I had been reading Seth for about 5 years by then.

I used that point in time to explore what went astray and   visualize an alternate Future.    In my Heart I know I'm living my very and healthy  life now because  of that. 

However, my connections to my dysfunctional family started to fray.  If I had kept my mouth shut I'd still be in the Inner Circle.  And I toed the Party Line for many years because being part of the family was more important than my person wishes (which was the core of the dysfunction).

So be aware of changes around you as a mirror of the changes within yourself.  How much do you want  to choose.  I'm not  saying that you are also having a family issue,  but if you are ill there is an "Issue". 

I believe that some Issues are past life, but then we bring those who played a part with you to review the Drama.

[BethAnne]

One of the "Tricks" I'm using now is "Crossing the Bridge".

I realized I was starting to spin my wheels where I am at physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I had done my Work but was stagnate.  So as I go to sleep I see my self approaching a bridge.  Often I'm asleep by the time I cross half way and my dreams take over.  The image that I "see" at the end is the Emerald City.  This works because it triggers childhood associations and it is an all round good symbol for a Higher Vibration Life.  Just the green color alone will work. 

I don't want to limit my future by thinking too small.  And I've gotten so far that Why not Go for IT!  What is the most Outrageous version of my life can I go to?   

[Ginny]

I was always  the responsible one in the family.  I would have made an excellent psychologist..always listening and ready to  help.  Was known as the rock of gibralter.....until I went there to visit and discovered it was a hollow mountain..that was me in a nutshell....big and empty.  So began my letting go.....still working on that.

Like you, I have been in a state of limbo....i have done so much hard work....was it a waste of time? Is it a cosmic joke   Nothing was worth living in limbo for....now this issue...Seth mentions in NOPR
That  we can experience between lives while alive....sort of zombies (my interpretation).

I like the bridge idea.  Thanks.

[BethAnne]

If you were the one that everyone told their troubles to you may also consider that they left "residue" on you. which manifests in dis=ease.  Hit your "Delete button".   

[Ginny]

Wow......profound!  It took a toll for sure l

[Batfan007]

If you were the one that everyone told their troubles to you may also consider that they left "residue" on you. which manifests in dis=ease.  Hit your "Delete button".   

Emerald city for you, Kryptonite for me. Deadly! 

[BethAnne]

I have been in a state of limbo....i have done so much hard work....was it a waste of time? Is it a cosmic joke   Nothing was worth living in limbo for...
Sometimes those states where we provide for someone or get  "hooked" into a drama provide comfort or an adrenaline rush.  To have it healed leaves us feeling let down because we aren't getting that drama rush.

When I was a counselor for a domestic shelter, the biggest challenge was getting the women to work past the let down of being safe.  The drama was exciting.

I've been working with music for meditation and resolved a BIG ISSUE.  I know I've made a dramatic shift but the healing has left me no residue negative emotion to "stroke" and feels empty.   It would be very easy to snag some emotional drama just to occupy my time and release some endorphins.

After I've done a BIG Meditation I look for manifestations clues to let me know that the dynamics have shifted.

So this is mine.  Because I also was the "listener" for everyone I realized that the Gate to my personal corral/space has been open my entire life making me available to who ever needed anything.  Once I "shut" this Gate I had great clarity but emptiness.....but more like cleaning up a messy room.  I realized that having my Gate Open allowed other people to direct my life.  Which made me feel empty because I cleared out all of the Drama,  Voices and Opinions.   

One of the biggest voices was Carol who I met 30 years ago and was the Ringleader of the  group of artists/musicians I hung out with.  Everyone modeled their behavior accordingly to please Carol.  In the meditation I followed the bread crumbs to memories of our friendship.  I found that going back in my mind in a Visualization and "talking" to someone about an old issue from your Evolved Self will release the emotional attachment.
Say if you were hit, which I wasn't, you would go back in your mind as an adult and block the hit and defend your child self, releasing the Victim connection you have with that event.

So I went back in my imagination and greeted Carol from my wiser, more authentic self which allowed me to Gather Up part of my missing Soul. 

Within hours I get a call from Carol who I have not seen in over 20 years.  She was on a road trip and was headed this way and we'll be having coffee here in a bit so I will be able to chat with her in real life from my Grown Up Self.

[Batfan007]

I can offer no comfort, but no experience is ever wasted.
Where there is space, there is room to grow.
Clarity and a new focus are yours for the choosing, that vacuum or void will eventually dissipate. The easiest thing is to pick something new to get into, and focus on that for a bit, don't let the emptiness keep overwhelming you, but at the same time, know that cleaning up is part of living.

I like to think of it as a mental fast.

I'm sorry this reads like one of those horrible newspaper horrible-scopes. 

[BethAnne]

It's pretty trippy chatting with someone you have not seen/heard from in 20 years!