Body Changes and Discovering Hidden Beliefs

[Bumblebee]

I thought I was kind of loosing it; memory loss, emotional roller coaster, depressing thoughts when all is great in my life, extreme fatigue, insomnia, cold sweats at night, no libido, no drive for anything actually. I just realized through reading articles that I am starting my premenopause. Wo... didn't see that coming!

Am I really that old? I feel like I am still a child, stumbling through life ,still not really understanding what I am doing here, still struggling with a sense of purpose. So many limiting beliefs are attached to this life stage. I remember when I was 12, I thought being 25 was old.People over 40 were from another planet! I felt like it would take 7 lives before I would get there... that is if I got there, as growing older seemed to take forever! Couldn't wait to turn 18 and start my life and just that wait  was unbearable. Figured that by 25 I would have everything figured out and under control. LOL . Man was I wrong!!!

For the first time in my life I am confronted with my own mortality.  I knew I was going to die one day, but that seemed far away, a bit like being 40 in the eyes of a 12year old. It hit home. No, I won't live forever in this body in this particular life. And even though I am healthy as an ox and feel and look quite young, some things are inevitable, no matter what your beliefs are.

I realized that I partly believe that things go downhill when you grow old. When my father, who is quite pessimist in nature, tells me he can't drive in town now because he is too old and things go too fast for him, I make it my duty to emphasize the fact that it is probably more because he lost the habit in driving in the city, because I have the same stress and I am not 70.  But the fact that it really gets to me and upsets me that he thinks this way is a sign that I do share the same belief to some extent. It is clear to me now. And I see the damage this belief does to him; his health and awareness have drastically deteriorated.

Fortunately,  I work in a ski resort and I see 80 year old people still downskiing every week. Some still do the Ironman competition. One of my collegues is 55 and he runs up the mountain in less than 30 minutes (2116ft vertical drop) and goes biking for the rest of the afternoon for fun. We each create our own limitations and openings. It is obvious that age has nothing to do with it. Beliefs do.

So I am gentle with myself these days. I also realized that the purpose I was seeking might not be the way to go. I had the right intentions, but I was trying hard to mold it into a certain pattern that it didn't need to be in. I was trying to make " helping others be who they are" my job, as in "making money to live". It has been a hard, unsuccessful and depressing journey. I just couldn't figure out how to do it. I now realize that what I do for a living doesn't really matter because if I help myself to be who I am, then I will automatically spread that on people around me. And if on top of that I look at people as souls, they become ageless and no matter what their actions are, they all have their special uniqueness and wisdom, and we all have things to learn from each other. Seth said many times we do not need to accomplish anything but to become who we are. That is our purpose. This just took on a new meaning for me. I don't need to actually be a teacher in a school in order to teach. I don't need to be paid to teach. Teaching and learning are happening everywhere at every moment.

This life I have given myself is a precious gift, all the more that it is time limited. From now on,I want to marvel at life's beauty, dance with nature and discover wisdom in every encounter I make, and it all start with me!

[Deb]

Spoiler Alert: I feel TMI coming on...

Oh girl, I feel your pain. But on the other hand, THANK YOU for being so open and frank.
One minute I was 26 and then suddenly, in a blink, I'm not... but I still feel 26.

I just realized through reading articles that I am starting my premenopause.

I took the shortcut--chemotherapy put me thru early menopause over night. Funny, I'd long dreaded menopause because my mother went into it and never came out-- and it wasn't pretty. So I found the shortcut and there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Some of your symptoms sound like depression, but I'm not a doctor and only know my own experience. The body can handle the changes and eventually finds balance. Find comfort in the idea that it's temporary.

Am I really that old? I feel like I am still a child, stumbling through life

Yeah, me too. But I think that's real life. We are (or I was) raised to believe that you suddenly discover your life's purpose at a certain age and it's all sequential and tidy. But I'm starting to realize that we are constantly changing and growing and moving forward. If we're doing this thing correctly. Our goals and aspirations change. To quote Annie Hall, "A relationship, I think, is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. I think what we've got on our hands is a dead shark." I think we need to substitute 'relationship' with 'life.' Life is constant change and motion.

Fortunately,  I work in a ski resort and I see 80 year old people still downskiing every week.

I moved to Colorado in the '80s. I have hiked a lot, and have been upstaged by many a 70+ year olds trucking uphill-- while I gasp for breath.

It is obvious that age has nothing to do with it. Beliefs do.

Yes, I have to agree, not everyone goes downhill when they age. It's a matter of mindset, expectations, beliefs. Our choice. Too often, lately, I've seen people that believe 'when I'm this age this happens' go downhill, almost over night, and really, it is completely about belief. I'm the oldest I've ever been in this lifetime, and yet I'm physically fitter than ever and refuse to cave in to popular belief. I'm having too much fun, feeling too good, too happy with my body.

Dance with nature every chance you get. You have another post here that I need to comment on, the one about feeling tones. It reminded me of a very obvious dance with nature that I did, not long ago.

Life is what we make it. Truly. We are what we say we are. We do make our own reality.