Creating, Other People & Responsibility

[T.M.]

Hi All,

I'm just looking for how others view this. When creating reality, how responsible are we for other people?!
I think Seth and others have mentioned that we reinforce what we see in other's, if we see an a-hole, they are more apt to act that way, if we see them as a wonderful person, they are apt to act that way.

My question is, how much responsibility do they have for the way they act and are perceived, and how much responsibility do we bear for perceiving them in a particular way?

I've always grappled with this since I've become aware of this. I have a particularly gnarly neighbor. This neighbor upsets me and 3 other units I'm aware of below them. I'm in an apartment building.

I've done everything in my power to try and mentally see them as good and thoughtful people. I'm getting no where with this approach. I've also tried talking to them, and telling them specifically what they do that is bothering me. They will be good for 1 day, then back to usual.

So I'm curious, seeing as their are 4 tenets including myself that are bothered by them. Just how effective can 1 person be, considering there are 3 other's also projecting whatever they are projecting.

And at the end of the day, if a person is bound and determined to be unpleasant, will any amount of positive thought be effective?
And is there any personal responsibility in just calling a spade a spade?

Thanks, I hope that makes sense. I'm really curious how others aware of Seth's material will view this situation.
I can't help but wonder if I'm responsible for the way they act, at times, as I can't help but see them as a-holes, and I have tried really really hard not to.

[jbseth]

Hi T.M.,

Boy you've hit upon a very good and practical question having to do with a lot of issues.
Let me stew on this for a little while and I promise to respond back to you.

I think at some points in our lives, we are all faced this type of a dilemma.

jbseth 

[T.M.]

Thank you Jbseth

[jbseth]

Hi T.M.

I'll have more to share on this later, but I did notice that you aren't asking some questions.

For example, have you thought about why this showed up in your life? Is there some reason why this occurred? For example, are you challenging yourself to learn patience, or tolerance, or perhaps something just the opposite like how to be assertive?
 
Also, did you perhaps invite this into your life, by, for example, worrying that the new neighbors will be unpleasant, before they ever moved in; thus creating your reality?

I don't expect you to necessarily answer these on-line, I'm just curious to see if you've spent any time checking in with yourself about this issue and what it means for you.

As I'm sure you know, its not usually to easy or effective to check in with yourself, when, at the moment , you're upset with your lousy neighbors. 

jbseth



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[T.M.]

Hi Jbseth,

The problem is a 2 year old small child. The previous tenant had small children, 2 and 5, I think. The neighbors below complained her out of the unit. I'm on the upper floor next door. So the landlord moved in another small child. Predictably the downstairs neighbors feel it's too noisy and are yet again continually complaining.
I still feel bad for the previous tenet. I didn't want her to move. At least she was trying and kept her kids in check. These ones will deliberately make noise, and will not keep tabs on there kid, who wanders around the walkway. Try saying something and they get angry, defensive, swear they are watching the kid, etc. I'm not the only one that is worried for the kids safety, at times.

I was horribly afraid the next tenant would be a handful due simply to the hostile environment that already existed. I was worried they would pick up on the vibes. I never imagined the landlord would move in the same problem she just moved out. Neither did the other tenets.

I didn't want an apartment, but the mobile home I was in was becoming to dilapidated to stay in. I've stayed in apts before.
I was wondering how I would deal with situations. Usually I'm with someone, and will leave all the socializing to the other person.
So yes I was curious how this was going to go

[Sena]

These ones will deliberately make noise, and will not keep tabs on there kid, who wanders around the walkway.

T.M.
Thanks for sharing your problem with us. I may not have understood this correctly, but are you predicting the future here, that you neighbors will "deliberately make noise"? It seems to me that it is not a good idea to make an assumption like that about the future.
What exactly is the problem with the noise? I personally would find it a problem if the noise disturbed my sleep at night.

[T.M.]

Hi Sena,

No prediction, they get excessively noisy, especially above the apartment that complains the most. This building is 30 years old.
Sounds like living next to a wrestling match at times. This noise doesn't affect me like it does the downstairs neighbor, plus I can go to my bedroom to put more distance between us. I get how they are upset about the complaints, I also get why the downstairs people are complaining. I doubt any of the downstairs neighbors agreed to live below a gymnasium!

They have a closet door right next to my bedroom wall. They will close it loud enough to wake me up. Sometimes at 5 am, sometimes 1 am.  I've gotten in the habit of sleeping with headphones on to help block the noise, lately it's been going right through that too. I've asked them a couple of times to be considerate about that especially during sleeping hours. I know they know how to close the door quietly too. One well placed bang is all it takes. I think the guy is doing that deliberately.

[T.M.]

Just to add, at times it sounds like the guy, who is a big guy, over 6 foot and probably about 300 pounds is deliberately jumping up and down on the floor to make as much noise as possible

[jbseth]

Hi T.M.,

Here's some thoughts I had based upon what I have come to understand about how life works, as explained from Seth.  Seth says that we create our reality.  He also says that we do this based upon our beliefs, what we think (our thoughts), our expectations and our emotions. 

Here's the thing, this reality creation thing works whether we focus our attention on something positive, or something negative.  Thus, it's important to make sure that we don't worry of focus on something negative, if we don't want that negative something to occur in our lives.


In reply #4 you said the following:

"I was horribly afraid the next tenant would be a handful due simply to the hostile environment that already existed. I was worried they would pick up on the vibes. I never imagined the landlord would move in the same problem she just moved out. Neither did the other tenets.

I didn't want an apartment, but the mobile home I was in was becoming to dilapidated to stay in. I've stayed in apts before.
I was wondering how I would deal with situations. Usually I'm with someone, and will leave all the socializing to the other person.
So yes I was curious how this was going to go"

I highlighted some of your statements above in red font.



In your statements above, it sounds to me like, you created the very experience that you were "worried" about. By worrying about it, this tells me that you were thinking about it; a thought. Furthermore worrying usually implies a concerned feeling; an emotion.

In addition to this, you also said that you were "afraid your next tenant would be a handful"; this implies that you had an "expectation" that this might occur.

Then, it also sounds to me like you were consciously thinking about how you would "deal with" this situation (since you are usually with someone else and you let them deal with all the socializing with the other person) and that you were "curious" as to "how this was going to go".





Now, here's the thing, before these new tenants ever moved in, your future relationship with your future neighbors, was open to many probable realities. By your focusing on the things that you did, you indicated to your inner self that what you wanted was neighbors who were going to be a handful and in this way, you would have to deal with the situation and you were curious as to how, this was going to go.

Based upon those things, the things that you were focusing your attention on, your inner self, then, working with the inner selves of many other people, coordinated and set up this messy neighbor reality situation for you, because that is what it thought you wanted.



Now, consider what might have happened, if you had consciously thought about the following instead:

I'm very excited about getting some new neighbors because I expect and know that the landlord will move in a couple with no children.  Furthermore, I'm very excited because this new couple and I will become very good friends. 

If you had focused your conscious thinking on these kinds of thoughts, instead, then what type of neighbors might be living next to you now?



Now that you've created this messy neighbor situation for yourself, there's nothing preventing you from once again, focusing your attention on what it is that you really want. However, when you do so, do so with the "expectation" that what you really want has already occurred in your life. For example:

I'm very excited because this neighborhood is quiet and peaceful and the landlord works to make sure that we are all happy. 

The point here is to quit focusing your energy in a negative direction toward your noisy neighbors. Yes, it is OK and probably important that you talk to your landlord about them, and let the landlord know that these neighbors are really bothering you; then let the landlord handle it.

After this, while tolerating your neighbors as best you can, try to focus your energy instead in a positive direction toward what you really want, so that your inner self, can start working to create that for you.

As a result of this, I wouldn't be surprised if your neighbors either finally got the message and quieted down or opted to find somewhere else to live. 


jbseth

[T.M.]

Hi Jbseth,

I think your right about my negative focus on this. I found a lot of helpful information in NOPR, chp 11.
She moved in new neighbors so fast I really didn't have time to change my focus.

I've decided there's too many people involved in this event for me to get a handle on. I've talked with the landlord and am likely going to move to a building that would be a much better fit all around for me. It's full of primarily older residents too.

I recently learned the building I'm in is where she puts people she's not too sure about.  I just don't see it being worth a constant battle, especially since the ones doing the bulk of the complaining aren't going to stop, and that's just not within my control
This has definitely been a learning experience. I've actually done better than I thought I would in many ways.

Thanks for the insights.   Your suggested affirmations are actually what I'm thinking about the new building. I'm moving right next to a few friends I've made here also, so I'm very happy about that!

[jbseth]

Hi T.M.

It sounds like you've got some positive action in the works for you. Yahoo 

One of the many positive affirmations that I really like is this: "God is Good, All the Time"

jbseth

[T.M.]

Hi Jbseth,

I like that! I actually had something amazing happen the other day. I woke up and was making plans for the day. I thought I would probably need an all day bus pass to get everything accomplished. Then I decided on another course of actions.
As I was on the bus, a guy got on and he only had $10. The driver said all he could do was buy 2 all day passes, so he did.
He offered the 2nd one up for free. My jaw just dropped. I thought about raising my hand up to claim it, but then decided I wasn't going to need it, and maybe somebody else could make better use of it, as I was just making 1 trip out that day.

It works, like Louis said, get the negative garbage out of the way and watch the Universe deliver!

[jbseth]

Hi T.M.,

Wow, that a neat story.

Thanks for sharing.

jbseth

[Deb]

Usually I'm with someone, and will leave all the socializing to the other person.

Just to add, at times it sounds like the guy, who is a big guy, over 6 foot and probably about 300 pounds is deliberately jumping up and down on the floor to make as much noise as possible

Like jbseth, I too now (since reading Seth) look at everything and wonder what the purpose is. I can't do it in the "heat of the moment" when something alarming happens, but can do it once I calm down. Even with accidents and fatalities—my perspective has changed, I can take a step outside of my emotional reaction and try to explore things more objectively.

My two cents: According to Seth we set up dramas in cooperation with others for certain experiences, opportunities to problem solve, grow not only spiritually but in our personalities. These two comments make me think the big guy is playing his part especially well, lol. Is there a chance you are being challenged to be more assertive and stand up for yourself? It just seems to me that you (and some of your neighbors and even the landlord) are being pushed to do something, especially since the first noisy neighbors were replaced with even noisier ones.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, I find it hard enough to relax when I even have a noisy motel room, which is only temporary. I wouldn't want to have to live with that going on all the time.

[T.M.]

Hi Deb,

Much as I hate to admit it, yes there is that aspect. I have gone over and talked to them a couple of times, to no real avail. That's as far as my responsibility goes. I've made the attempts.

They aren't pushing the landlord around. I actually like the landlord.
The 2 apartments  literally complained out the other single Mom, she would often be in tears.
She finally moved to another unit. I think the landlord did this deliberately,  a message to the downstairs units, that they are not in charge of who lives in that unit.

This is also why I've decided the best option for me is getting another unit also.
I don't think the landlord is going to do anything about this.  Any efforts on my part will likely be futile.I only was interested in my interactions with generally normal people,  not hard cases. With generally normal people I get along just fine. As far as I'm concerned,  in that regard, mission accomplished 

[T.M.]

Just to add, if this situation was mostly of my creation, I would likely stick around and try to make it work.
I think it's mostly the downstairs neighbors creations, and I got caught up in it.
I don't want to play block cop, between the neighbors and landlord.
I think the other part of my lesson is to walk away,  after making reasonable attempts.

[Deb]

I think the landlord did this deliberately,  a message to the downstairs units, that they are not in charge of who lives in that unit.

That's a good point. They may realize at some point that no neighbor is going to be perfect and end up wishing for the previous one to return if the new ones turn out to be a bigger problem. I guess it could be the "careful what you wish for" thing. We need to be clear about what we want, lol.

[T.M.]

Hi Deb,

The gal who left was a single Mom, so she took the kids to school - about 9 hours absence there. They ate and slept, sleeping a good 7 hours of quite there. They were only home a few hours during the day and weekends. As far as apartment living goes, it doesn't get much better than that kind of schedule.
The current tenant is a stay home married Mom, it's 24/7. One of the downstairs tenets said he wished the last girl was still there, and then he moved. But his X is still there complaining.